OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
