if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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