No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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