Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
