Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
