I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
