there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
