Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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