Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
