Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do vagina's smell?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
