I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just had sex on a roof
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
