OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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