dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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