Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
