Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
