Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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