You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
