So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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