Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
