I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
