Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
