I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
