Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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