My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
