So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
