Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
