Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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