Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
