He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
