It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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