Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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