I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
