dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How naked do you want me to be?
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