every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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