If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
