Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
