i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
