just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
