Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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