i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
