remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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