I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
