So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
