it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
