Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
