i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
porn star boner night. come get it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
