I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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