I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
