I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
