he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
