the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
