your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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